I'm not sure why yesterday morning was so difficult. Maybe because I just got of the hospital after five days with my newborn. Maybe it was seeing my baby on an oxygen tank and realizing my life has completely changed. I'm trying to stay positive and see the opportunities and joys that will come. Right now, I'm just adjusting to my new reality - doctor's appointments almost daily and carrying around an oxygen tank. Hopefully, we won't need the tank too long. That means Russell is doing well. He does seem a little more awake now, besides just long enough to eat.
Last night we ran some errands and had to figure out how to take two kids to Target, one with an oxygen tank. Maybe I'm focused on the oxygen tank too much like I was focused on his diagnosis at first. Once we got settled, we did ok at Target.
Then, I got home and tried to write this post. It didn't go well. Before I knew it, I was in tears again. Not just a few tears, but a lot. Some may say it was because I just had a baby three weeks ago. I think it's more than that. I think my new life is just overwhelming right now. Matt, and everyone else, say it is ok to cry. I don't like crying, especially as often as I have been the last few days. I have done pretty well the last two weeks, except for a couple of short moments. Right now, I feel guilty for crying. I wouldn't want Russell to ever feel like he was a burden on me and made me cry a lot. It is not his fault and I wouldn't trade him for the world. My life may be a little more challenging now but he is mine.
Here are a couple of happy pictures:
Then, I got home and tried to write this post. It didn't go well. Before I knew it, I was in tears again. Not just a few tears, but a lot. Some may say it was because I just had a baby three weeks ago. I think it's more than that. I think my new life is just overwhelming right now. Matt, and everyone else, say it is ok to cry. I don't like crying, especially as often as I have been the last few days. I have done pretty well the last two weeks, except for a couple of short moments. Right now, I feel guilty for crying. I wouldn't want Russell to ever feel like he was a burden on me and made me cry a lot. It is not his fault and I wouldn't trade him for the world. My life may be a little more challenging now but he is mine.
Here are a couple of happy pictures:
Travis holding his baby brother's hand.
Every time I got a blanket to cover my feet, Travis would take it off me and put it on Russell. He now has three blanks on him.
No comments:
Post a Comment