Random Thoughts

Jim and Becky's friend also had a baby go through surgery (thankfully, their story has a happy ending).  I was able to email with her and she sent me a beautifully written journal entry about her story.  She had me from the beginning with the bible verse James 1:2-4 that starts, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds..." It was a verse that I knew from high school and college. As I continued reading her journal, it was like she was in my head!

I trust God that, whatever happens, has a plan for our lives. But it is easy to lose sight of that. My mom side is scared out of my mind and my Catholic side is relying on Him to get me through this.  It's the only way. 

I wonder what it will be like to kiss and hold my child for the last time before surgery, hoping and praying that it won't be the last. On one hand, I want to hold Russell 24/7 and soak up every second, just in case. On other the hand, it is unrealistic. I remember wanting to hold Travis 24/7 but this time seems more urgent and my time with Russell really might be short.

I think of the two Moms that I know that lost babies in the last few years. I don't know how they are putting one foot in front of the other, let alone raising other kids, holding jobs etc. I think of one of them that has a very strong faith and still has it.  When she lost her baby, I prayed that she wouldn't lose her faith as I imagined it would be very easy to do.  That's my prayer for me too, should the unthinkable happen, I would continue to have my faith in God.

I think of Travis and what I would say to him.  He LOVES his baby brother.  What if we don't come home with "baby." I think of the students in college religion classes.  We went around and said why we were taking the class.  A few were trying to figure out why a sibling/parent/someone else close to them was taken. They had so much pain and no faith in God.  One even called Him a very bad word that I don't think you are allowed to say even if you don't believe in Him. I don't want Travis to be that student.  I want to make sure we raise Travis to know that God exists and loves us and we don't know why things happen sometimes, we just have to have faith.

I pray we never have to have those conversations.

On a happier note, aren't these two so cute together?